Ars longa, vita brevis – Mousai update

The journal portion of this website, and by extension the email subscription list, has not been updated for some time, and since launch it has not been what I intended. 

I write now, dear reader, friend, enemy, seeker….to begin to rectify that. 

As those who follow Mousai’s Instagram will know, the time since launching – as well as those preceding it and no doubt continuing from here and ever onward – have been turbulent and traumatic.  

I have used the Instagram as, in addition to the main and most regular source of updates, information, and aesthetic propaganda for Mousai, as a place to experiment and express a good friend of mine’s interpretation of Transgression; that of extreme vulnerability.  

Transgression means a lot, and many different things to me. This idea intrigued me however, as during conversation, it wasn’t one that I had necessarily prescribed to it before. However, I resonated with it, and have since shared several things – albeit subtly and abstractly at times – that have, do, and always will shape my life. Relevant to the journal, absolutely, in that they have been tantamount to informing the subversive, transgressive, and esoteric ways within which I live my life by and through. Often by force and trauma, and now through design, intention, and acceptance.

Ultimately, one of the reasons for me starting and continuing this publishing project, we know as Mousai.  

The first issue of Mousai was published in December 2023 / January 2024, and the second issue was published in August 2024. The latter of which was marked with a launch event at the ineffable Tenderbooks, on London’s Cecil Court. I allow myself recognition and gratitude of this, but there have been problems. I have experienced excessive postal issues during that time, leading to numerous returned and undelivered orders – a task which my frail mental health has often not been able to process or work with resolving. 

So, in line with the aforementioned experiment, inspired by a good friend of mine and more acutely explored on how I use Instagram; this mental health of which I speak is significant. It is shaped by trauma and abuse in childhood, the reality of living a Transgender experience of life which I have hidden and denied myself for decades, and to some extent still hide today. I live with Dissociative Identity Disorder, addictive tendencies (if not addiction itself), and the common depression, anxiety, and suicidality that come with such a potion. 

These are realities, that I have somewhat accepted, and I express them here now for two reasons. The first being a kind of explanation, albeit vague, for the very real reasons that Mousai is sometimes delayed, absent, and somewhat dysfunctional. The second, and to me more important, is to, at this turn of the tide, make clear that my life has been, is, and always will be painted not only by past experiences, but also of current and permanent commitments as a result to live as transgressively and subversively as I can. There are several ways which I won’t share in which I do this, but the Mousai is certainly one.  

I say this in the hope to reassure and reinforce to past, current, and future artists I work with, that this project is based entirely in authenticity.

Why do I speak of, and share this now? 

Ultimately, by way of this update, I wanted to share a small glimpse into some of the abstractions I have shared more regularly on Instagram, but predominantly to provide an update and a statement of intent for these blog-style entries on the website and email subscription list to become regular and meaningful. 

I have flirted with Sub-stack, and may do so again. But either way, posts there will always and initially be shared here (if even on Sub-stack at all).  

I will leave this here, for now, with that statement of intent. The third issue of Mousai is well underway in terms of the artists constituting it working on their submissions.
Following the third issue, a slightly separate publication is planned, to exhibit art and experiences of those living with Disassociation Identity Disorder, in a way that, without judgement, expresses their work and realities without censor or betrayal of what such realities are; however traumatic, challenging, and difficult. 

And finally, later this year, my closest friend will be joining me in the work that I have until then been doing entirely on my own. This will make the administration duties of such an endeavour significantly more professional, reliable, and timely. Taking such things somewhat off my burden, to complete more acceptably and allow me more space to curate, edit, and publish. 

Ars long, vita brevis.