A Reflection….on si vis pacem, para bellum  

There is a beauty in the behaviour of a rough sea, but the wind it brings throws one around like a rag doll; a mirror to any and all inner turmoil. Bexhill provided both, upon arrival and leading up to the reading and launch event for Mousai’s publishing of Intersection I; si vis pacem, para bellum. 

It had been a difficult few months leading to this point. In a rare instance of oversharing, I have experienced homelessness, poverty, and an increased frequency of transphobia both online and on the occasions I am forced to stain the world with my existence in public. Oversharing, sure, but it provided the backdrop for the months leading here, that isn’t irrelevant to the work for Mousai I was doing alongside it. 

The nature of my transness, indeed, is itself something I have tried to keep away from my work with Mousai. Not deny, by any means. Mousai is simply not about personality. But I would lie if I was to suggest that I wasn’t heightened in my self-consciousness of my identity potentially limiting the interaction many may have with Mousai otherwise, based purely on that fact alone. And it was somewhat proven, by the private messages I received when first announcing this issue, which included a fair share of verbal threats and abuse. And in a sense I am grateful for them, as it reinforced the need and importance of what we are doing. Though it doesn’t bode well, that the prevalence of such views remain high even amongst the readership of a project that has always stood overtly for artists and writers involved in subverting the mainstream gaze in favour of platforming marginalised and othered voices, as well as the presumably much less “controversial” themes of transgression, esotericism, and liminality. 

I believe in every artist and writer, and every bit of their work, that I have ever worked with via Mousai. But this one meant more. Not because it has meant that my identity as an individual is now known to anyone engaging with Mousai, nor because it is the first time that I as a writer have put work into the journal – though both are certainly the case – but because it centres the voices of the people who share in my identity characteristic that causes this particular self-consciousness. I am proud of that, but there comes a responsibility when working with a vulnerable, marginalised, and othered peoples, to ensure not only their platforming and publishing, but importantly their safety. 

That safety becomes more paramount when taking some of those published voices to an ‘open’ in-person reading and launch event, which we did on Saturday 13th September 2025, at The Candle Orchard in Bexhill.  

On which note, I state my immense gratitude to G and everyone at The Candle Orchard, for hosting us, supporting us, believing in us, and for putting so much effort and commitment into making the launch happen and run so effectively. 

We had six of the eleven writers / artists published in Intersection I; si vis pacem, para bellum with us to read, and every one were phenomenal. Some were reading their work for the first time, and all should be immeasurably proud. I certainly am of them. You all have my unending gratitude. The trust anyone puts in me to work with and publish their work is not something I ever have, ever do, nor ever will take for granted. The responsibility is outweighed by the honour, pleasure, and privilege. Particularly when they know of my very limited resources and readership. 

Since the event, we have received less than a handful of orders. Fine, in and of itself; no project has any divine right of recognition, and the fact that Mousai is run entirely by two people with next to no resources, on a not for profit, independent basis – not to mention my likely inadequate presence on, and use of social media – doesn’t help anything. But it does, on reflection, bring to mind something worth highlighting. Speaking specifically on si vis pacem, para bellum and thus trans+ topics, it is worth noting the reluctant, but ultimately positive public recognition recently of “the dolls”. Whether it be the “protect the dolls” initiative itself, the recent GlamourUK publication that featured nine ‘prolific’ trans women, or the colloquial increase in awareness of trans+ peoples struggles in the face of significantly increasing vitriol, erasure, demonisation, and violence toward trans+ people, it comes at an increased cost to those of us who do not “pass”, and exist as trans+ people with no resources, finance, platform, or support to tell or empower our own stories, let alone our own safety. 

That is ultimately what Mousai, with si vis pacem, para bellum has sought to do; give space for the voices of trans+ people who can’t necessarily pass or platform themselves due to a number of intersecting challenges which ultimately result in an ever increasing insecurity by not being seen or protected as “one of the dolls”. Ultimately, being further ‘othered’, in an already ‘othered’ minority. 

Even if the support is not shown to Mousai / si vis pacem, para bellum, I hope it serves as recognition that there are people – of a trans identity and otherwise – working to support and platform us ALL. We should take time to ensure our support for such efforts and movements, as well as, or perhaps more so, than the larger, though still laudable movements which give voice and platform to the more “passing”, visible, and backed amongst us. 

Ultimately, there is no freedom for some, without freedom for all. The same oppressors perpetuate their fascism and division into all of our insecurities, imperfections, and facets of self hatred. We would do well to subvert the reflections that their own mirrors have caused back upon them, in all of our naked, uncompromising vulnerabilities. And until we do it together – no matter our identity, background, or circumstance – we will only ever be lost. 

To conclude by bringing it back to the launch and reading event in Bexhill; people cried, laughed, connected, performed, and created a space that ultimately felt like movement that can expand beyond just that night. I hope that is the case, and whether it be through Mousai or other people/organisations/efforts, I hope the reminder that there are too grassroots efforts working to support and advocate for us is something that encourages support for them in the future. 

Together, we did something special. 

* Si vis pacem, para bellum is available at www.kheir-mousai.com. We will also be present at ‘TransFest’ on the 23rd November 2025 in London, and hopefully other spaces to come.